She Returned as a Vampire

58 – Self-Loathing

“Elena – “

“I’m sorry I interrupted you. But listen.”

Her eyes were hidden in the shadows.

With her head down and her eyelids closed to hide the red light from me, she was talking.

“I… I’m not asking you.

Begging for your mercy,

I don’t even hang on to get your love.

I already did that, and you gave the answer to it.

Look at this beautiful house that I deserve so much.

There are so many places I can be with you.

There must be many things I can do for you,

I’m sure it’ll be a fun worry about what to fill in my head with these times given to me.”

By the end of the story, it was the snapping of her fingernails that filled the room.

Did he notice that my gaze went to her hands?

“Ugh, ugh.”

With a slight moan, she grabbed her hand and threw it under her.

“So, that’s what I was trying to say?

I already told you that I shouldn’t be around, but you took me away like this.

After that, since you asked what I would do with you, it’s my turn to answer it diligently.

You are my compulsion,

In my madness,

It’s okay not to answer that desperate struggle to stay by your side.

For me to catch you,

You don’t have to pay attention to the things you do to win your heart,

It’s okay if you don’t have to spend your precious time and mind to answer each one.

Only what you like, only what you like, only when you feel like it,

At that time, it would be nice if you smiled at me, hugged me, or praised me,

I hope you don’t approve of everything I do like before.

Of course, of course!

Ah, we haven’t finished talking yet. Let me do a little more

I know you have a lot to say. Probably.

I’m sure he’s trying to comfort me with kind words from his mouth.

But listen to me for now.

And, from now on, I hope you don’t love me so unconditionally.

I hope you continue to realize how precious and wonderful the fact that I can love you is.

Help me to keep reminding myself of your mercy that allowed me to stay by your side after all that.

I’m not saying I won’t try.

It’s all my fault, there’s no way I wouldn’t know that.

I did everything from start to finish.

I didn’t listen to you,

Because I was careless, I dared to drag him in,

I left that heinous bastard alone because I didn’t care about you,

I misunderstood you,

I will trouble you,

I tried to seduce you,

I failed,”

At first, I had no intention of stopping her from speaking.

Without time to wipe away the flowing tears,

She stretches her with her own hands, shakes off her moisture, opens her own heart, looks at her, wants to see her.

However, the moment I saw it, I hurriedly tried to close it.

“Helena, Elena?!”

The light in her eyes was gone, and the color was getting muddy to the point of being black.

I grabbed her by the shoulder and shook her in amazement at her lifeless face, but she showed no intention of stopping her self-torture.

She is constantly retracing her mistakes one by one,

She continued her speech in an overly calm voice.

“I did it, I was hated,

I just got what I deserved. Saying you’re bad for not accepting,

Leave my responsibility on you, avoid it.

I blame you again,

You lie to yourself that you will change.

So I stole your blood, imprisoned you,

In the end, I cheated on you, and deceived you.

How can I remain your lover?

How could I… Still be by your side?”

“Elena, stop it! Wake up!”

Feeling the flickering of her candle and the growing darkness around her, I tried my best to somehow bring her back to her senses.

Her body does not move even when pushed and pulled with force.

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I was slowly becoming terrified at her condition, where even when I kissed her forehead and held her hand and rubbed her, there was no response.

“Please, Elena…”

“I deserved to die.

It’s even more amazing that you’re still alive after torturing you like that.

To play with people’s hearts and break them, yet to be so shamelessly by your side.

If a woman like this said she was reflecting, who would believe it…”

“Stop it, stop it. It’s already over. I told you I could stay with you!”

I could see the darkness gradually engulfing the surroundings.

It was clearly visible.

Crumpled as if the space itself was distorted,

I saw a space that was dyed black as if a shadow was tearing it apart.

Something that even whispered in her voice was faint at first.

Then it began to be heard more and more clearly.

By the time I could make out the contents, I could see a dark red figure muttering on her shoulder.

…With the form of a body I know well,

In other words, the shadow of her in her form was holding her down.

“It’s your fault. Who else can you blame?”

That said.

Even though her mouth didn’t move,

Even though it looked like a shadow shimmering in the swaying flames,

I could clearly see what it said.

“Did he really forgive you? Really?

There is nothing wrong with the man you killed yourself.

You can use him as you please, and then become a monster and cling to him.”

Her back,

I remembered someone screaming and being hacked to pieces through the black shadows that emptied into the void.

I knew the main character of that face well.

“If it hadn’t happened like this, I might have betrayed him.

You made me think he might have cheated on me, and then raped me for loving me.”

With her mouth closed, she was shedding tears.

…It was the room in the house I had been living with that had already been burned down.

She was plagued with guilt after hearing someone’s vague words.

I felt the pain gripping her heart strongly.

And the man beyond the door was me.

My voice, she was listening.

Benjamin, the moments I’ve been struggling with since he came to my house.

She listened to it without exception.

Not long after, the girl in her memory started scarring her arm.

Tearing at her own flesh, gnawing at it,

In the scene where her black hair falls, she was genuinely surprised and even took a picture of her buttocks.

“No one believes you. Your parents won’t approve of you anymore.

Oh, even you really love,

Even the person who accepted you as a monster might have doubts.”

I could see myself lying under her, crying and yelling at her.

She tried to ignore my feelings, and she kept pushing her body.

You could see how much pain she was in, from the shaky vision of her and the way she held her head.

“She’s not dirty, but she’s already dirtier than anyone else.”

An unfamiliar sight passed by.

She smiled and threw her hand at Benjamin Atkinson as she approached her.

I saw her kicking her out with harsh words.

But still, over and over again, the image of Benjamin flashed through her memory.

“There was blood on her hands.”

And soon, that face turned red.

Terror in her eyes that looked her cunning,

Despair hung over her confident face.

I saw her body lying on the ground, with her arms and legs severed.

And it was engulfed in fire and even disappeared.

“You left a scar on the heart of the one who loves you.”

Once again, I yelled outside her room, pulling her hair, then I heard a muttering.

I didn’t want to see it again, so I turned around and saw her face.

…It was completely collapsed.

I was barely able to support the thing hanging from her shoulder,

As she stared blankly at the scene with tears shed, her face was filled with pure despair.

“You treated the person who cared about you coldly.”

After that… It was me a bit more in the past.

She looked at me trying to soothe her with a smile on her face, then opened the door and left as she did.

They didn’t even say hello to me who had prepared the meal, just received the food and ate without saying anything.

I was trying to see you off, but left me inside the house and passed by at a quick pace.

And at the end,

There was me who collapsed in the snow.

“Whew, uhhh, uhhhhh…”hhhhh…”

Surprised by her voice, I looked at her once more…

There was her staring at her wall with her posture down a little louder.

Holding on to her blanket, she felt as if she would collapse at any moment as her teardrops grew larger.

That’s why I hurriedly tried to support her, but-

“Ooh?!”

Her tingling sensation ran down her arm, forcing her to fall away from her.

“Don’t touch her. She doesn’t deserve to be surrounded by you.”

Atop her shoulder, her faceless figure said so, then looked down at her again.

“Even if you were forgiven, it wasn’t because you were really good at it.

She pretends to be a pitiful woman and only takes advantage of his warm nature.

Can’t do anything for you, just rely on his desperation.

Muttering in front of him what you did for him?

Do you stand still while receiving his kiss because you think you are better?”

It seemed unwilling to stop until it completely broke her down.

He grabbed her and shook her, pushing her even harder.

“Ah, ahhh, keup, keueueuk, keuk,”

I tried to stop her crying, but she couldn’t.

On the contrary, only her posture was about to collapse more and more loudly.

Her arms were already wobbly, and her sitting position had changed to one where she was barely pushing herself against the bed.

“Stop it, Elena, stop it!”

I could see her black auras surrounding her room, centered on her.

I could guess at least that her guilt was the cause of all of this.

I tried to solve it by catching her and waking her up, but –

Once again I was pushed back by it.

“You can’t stop. She won’t stop either.”

It looked at me once more without a face.

Looking sad, it shook its head at me.

But she hated Elena for crushing her.

Even though it had a form with the black energy she radiated.

“What are you… I have already forgiven her-“

“I am guilty of her.”

Before I could finish speaking, it spoke to me.

Then, he seemed to ‘smile’.

“If you stop, she won’t.”

Pushing her further.

“In the first place, wasn’t she not even worthy of her forgiveness?”